march 29

I wish I could say it was because I got so busy that I stopped writing, but the fact is I told my therapist about it and got whatever recognition I needed to feel complete. Well, maybe I am so busy, just with work though.

I’m sure things continued to happen this week though, I have in fact, been filling the time, mostly with reading. I went to the food shelf twice, but both times found three different kinds of lettuce. There is only so much lettuce I can eat when it goes bad and I was really hoping for a potato or two. A loaf of bread. I so often turn to them for carbohydrates. I did get eggs though. And more strawberries. So, I’m not really complaining about the lettuce. I just hate to waste food. The snow piles in the yard are almost small enough, the thaw close enough, that at least I can go back to composting soon. I had given up because there was also an added tension between my room-mate and I, unspoken of course, about one more waste receptacle that was filled and emptied with uneven regularity between parties. Most likely we both believe ourselves to be the more taxed of the two.

K and I went to see an art-movie at the art-museum. I wrote a poem about it. I saw a writer I admire, who I had taken a virtual class with. I was masked though, and there was no reason for her to recognize me. Against K’s small nudging, I did not introduce myself. She seemed to not want to be bothered. I came to this conclusion watching her eyes widen and eyebrows lift every time someone made a move as if they would sit next to her. A question—would you be so bold? I would not.

I haven’t been sleeping at K’s because Henry’s been sick, but he seemed much better yesterday. Really his old self, and back to waking me up in the night to attack my hands and arms in boredom. So, it is morning, and I am here in the sun room now. So near to April, but the temperature is in the teens. They are opening all the blinds and their hands in the light makes my chest feel compressed, like something is standing on it, bending their knees, letting their weight go heavy, before a spring, a lift, a flight.

Today’s word, I think, is anticipation.

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